you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
He uses pillows to masturbate.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
