I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
