Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Randomize
