something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
And then my night got REAL pukey
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
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