You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Randomize
