I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Randomize
