I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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