even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Randomize
