win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
