Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Randomize
