the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
