$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
