I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
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