How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
