turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
