walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
