my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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