There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
