And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Randomize
