She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
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