hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Randomize
