I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
