His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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