i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
