i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
ttyl tear gas
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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