dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Randomize
