"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
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