i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
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