You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Randomize
