Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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