i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
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