one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Randomize
