from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Randomize
