i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
