it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Randomize
