I accidentally burped into my bong.
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
