Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Randomize
