Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
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