Got a toothbrush?
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
It's official drugs can't kill me
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
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