Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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