it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
