East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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