he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
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