Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
And then he peed in my hair
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
