I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Randomize
