Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Randomize
