If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
