i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Randomize
