apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Someone shattered a urinal.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
