Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
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