there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
