why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
